I received a request for this article, asking how to write enemies to lovers. This trope is one of the most popular, we love a good conflict that gets resolved. We love seeing two characters who can’t stand each other, grow and develop feelings.

A Powerful Trope

Enemies to Lovers is a strong trope that we all seem to love. We grow up with it in movies, I always remember watching Romancing The Stone which did this trope well.

It threw together the out-of-her-depth author in search of her missing sister and the out-for-himself brash bird hunter whose whole ambition was to make enough money to buy himself a boat. She needed his expertise in the jungle and he wanted her money.

Then we have the always popular Pride and Prejudice with strong-willed Elizabeth Bennett and aloof Mr Darcy. Mr Darcy struggles with his desires for Elizabeth but is unable to see past her upbringing due to being class-conscious.

Their paths continue to cross due to the circles they travel in and the budding romance between Elizabeth’s sister and Darcy’s best friend. This forces conflict and development.

Even Disney played with the trope, in Tangled. Where Rapunzel and Flynn Rider, a thief who breaks into a tower, are thrown together. She wants to escape her tower and see the floating lights (and requires a guide) and he wants his loot back, which she has hidden. They have to spend time together on the journey thus learning about each other.

No matter how many movies or books I consume, I never get tired of this trope since it’s popular, I’m not the only one!

We can never get enough of “Enemies to Lovers”!

Why Does This Trope Work?

It’s all about tension, there’s something compelling about character tension. 

Where once ‘love at first sight’ used to be big, especially in romances and definitely in Disney movies. Seriously, I don’t think it was that great growing up with Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs, Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty. These girls (Snow White was apparently only 14 yo! *eww*) met their “princes” in a very short space of time and were then swept away to get married.

I’m sorry, call me an old sceptic, but a quick dance in a forest (sleeping beauty) or a quick dance in a palace (cinderella) does not make for a great romance. Nor does it confirm if someone is going to be good marriage material.

Let’s not even address, some dude finding a dead girl in a glass coffin and giving her a snog before she awakes and letting him take her away… what were we teaching girls?

Thankfully, we are moving away from that stuff and into more actual development! Where characters must learn about each other and there’s no better way (in novels) than through conflict!

How Do You Write It?

Reason

Let’s start with reason. What is the reason your characters hate each other? How do they even know each other? You can’t just dump two characters into a situation and make them hate each other right off the bat.

Remember we need to create, as with all writing, believability (yes, even with fantasy and sci-fi, things still need to have a sense of believability… so they can be relatable). So make sure you are clear on their reasonings.

Make sure you write up a strong explanation for why your characters hate each other, and how that happened. It can be something as simple as a misunderstanding, a bad first impression or even an age-old grievance between groups of people that has spilt over to the next generation.

You don’t have to have them both hating each other. Maybe character A hates character B because of something character B’s father did. If the characters are young, this can work because it can be easy to deflect anger to an “easier” target.

For example, character A’s (let’s call him John) family lose all their money andwas kicked from their home. Character B’s (let’s call her Lydia) grandfather is the landlord and kicked them out.

He then moved his son’s family into said home. Lydia is now enjoying John’s home, sleeping in his room. It can be understandable that John would feel anger and resentment toward Lydia even though it’s not her fault.

Now, while they don’t have to both hate each other at the start, it’s best if they both end up hating each other. Taking the above example: During a chance meeting outside the house, maybe John snaps at Lydia, and embarrasses her.

She wouldn’t understand why this person is being mean to her. Even if she learns about his reasons, she may sympathise, but if he continued to show his anger and disdain, maybe she would get tired of it and that sympathy would dry up. Now they both hate each other.

Great! Now we throw them together!

A quick point – whatever the issue that has risen between the two characters. It must be solvable. So choose your reason with care.

Likeable Characters

When writing this trope, make sure your characters are likeable… to the reader! Your characters might hate each other’s guts at the start, but your readers need to like them, both of them! Even in a frustrating kind of way.

You need to show some of the good points of each character, individually, away from the other so your reader can feel drawn to them.

Maybe John lets his emotions run hot and doesn’t consider his actions towards Lydia. But maybe he’s really close to his friends and would give them the shirt off his back if they needed it.

Maybe Lydia comes across as aloof and haughty due to her wealth and privilege and looks down on John. But maybe she is lonely and wants to find a true connection that she doesn’t get from her family. Maybe she helps her elderly neighbour whenever she can.

Make their good aspects something your readers can get behind.

I also need to add, make your characters physically attractive to each other. There has to be “a pull” that draws them, a little bit, to each other. Sexual tension is great for that and it can be built upon.

A Note About Abuse

One issue (in my opinion) that does sometimes come up in writing is making one character too dark. If one of your characters is extremely violent or abusive, especially to the other character, that won’t work well. Yes, there are some readers who like that – I’m not going to address my thoughts on THAT.

However, I believe more people don’t want to see a relationship bloom out of the origins of abuse. A cruel and vicious character who physically, sexually or psychologically tortures the other character even if they realise their error and change their ways… is not going to be seen as a hero/heroine.

You don’t want it to come across as if one of your characters has Stockholm syndrome!

The Steps

So you have developed your reason for them to be enemies and set the scene. Now we start to build on that.

Enemies Attract

Throw your enemies together. Whether that is on a quest, in a working role or just through the marriage of a friend… you need to put them into a (preferably lengthy) situation where they have to spend time together. Forced proximity is a big player in Enemies to Lovers.

It’s during the early stages of this that you plant the seeds of attraction. Maybe John notices how beautiful Lydia’s eyes are, while she’s glaring at him from inches away. Maybe Lydia sees John’s strong jaw when he’s clenching his teeth when he’s snarling at her.

Pepper your scenes with flecks of noticed attraction. Have the character flustered at their thoughts about such things or annoyed that it’s hard to focus on the argument because they are distracted by the other’s lips.

Have fun with it!

While you’re doing that, crank up some of the animosity. Whether that is creating something to happen that gives one or both characters justification for their hatred of the other or a simple argument that cuts deeper.

Crank the tension and make it a little harder for these two to fall in love.

Finding Common Ground

The whole point of this trope is to move the characters across the board from Enemies to Lovers. That doesn’t happen overnight and lots of things will get in the way. Instead, you need stepping stones to get to that end result.

As with all books, things need to happen, if your characters are on a quest, they need to face obstacles. Maybe there is a lot of bickering and taunts, maybe they refuse to ask for help from each other and it ends in them getting hurt or struggling.

Eventually, you need to help your characters find common ground. Maybe Lydia gets her first glimpse of John’s compassion when he comforts his grieving friend. This would give Lydia a moment’s pause, she would need to think on this, process what she saw and it would start to change her image of John.

Maybe John sees Lydia’s kindness when she reaches over and shares her food with him after he runs out. She just breaks her in half and passes it over without a word.

The point of this is to break holes in each character’s perception of the other. We all make snap decisions about people based on short interactions – from how they look, what they wear, what they say, how they say it… it all gets filtered through our own biases, prejudices and experiences.

So what snap decision did your characters make and what small things can you start to reveal about them to each other.

Alone Together

The best way to develop your characters is to throw them together alone. Not always, but they need to be separate from other people even just a little throughout your story. This alone time forces them to interact without the buffer of other people.

Characters can avoid each other when they have other people to talk to. But if they are sent on a quest together, stuck in a cell together etc they are forced to interact without the safety net of other people.

No one to give them a hard nudge if they are about to say something, no one to distract them so they can ignore the person they hate.

During this alone time have them clash, have them fight and argue. Have them defend their point of view during those fights. Have them expose their beliefs and prejudices.

Alone Apart

Okay, now you need to separate them. Stick with me here. During our quiet moments, after the fighting is done, is when we reflect. There’s a reason we all run through scenarios in our heads at night, often when we’re trying to sleep.

These moments of solitude are when we go back through what happened when all the emotion and tension and stress have died down. We can hold onto anger and yell and spit and curse, but eventually, when we are alone, we can look back and decide, was that the right move? Did what that other person actually say make sense?

As humans we tend not to like being wrong or being questioned, it’s why so many people will double down when they are shown to be wrong. It’s embarrassing… humiliating even. But taking time to really think things through afterwards, can be quite enlightening.

So how do you get them apart?

If they are on a quest, have them take night watch shifts, have one character scout ahead, have one character be injured and the other leave to get food. If they are in a cell together, have one of them taken to be interrogated, or even rescued or released.

It can be a short time apart or a longer one.

The point of this is for them to analyse the other person, what they know about them now and how they may have been wrong. You are moving towards the next step.

Understanding

You need to get your characters into the stage of understanding and an inkling of mutual respect. Have them acknowledge (even silently to themselves) that maybe they had misjudged the other.

The enemy part is coming to a close and they are becoming more neutral with each other. This is a good time to ramp up parts where the characters see more good sides and more of the positive personality traits.

Does John admire how caring Lydia is with their horses? Does Lydia wake up to find John put another blanket on her while she slept?

It’s all about small steps towards respect and companionship. This works well when your characters go through shared hardship. Did they encounter a giant scorpion and had to run for their lives? Did they get injured and have to work together to make it over the ridge and into a place of safety?

Do they both have to deal with the fear, their injuries and realising how they wouldn’t have made it if they didn’t work together?

Maybe John acted as bait to draw the scorpion away while Lydia made it to the rocks. Did she, rather than escaping, stay to help by throwing rocks at the creature giving John enough time to escape too.

Friendship

The best romances come from friendships (in my opinion). Friends love and respect each other and that is a healthy base for romance. That’s why we want to get into friendship first.

The conflict that resided between the two characters needs to move outward. For example, into a conflict they both have to face like the giant scorpion, running out of food, or needing to escape the jail cell before the Inquisitor arrives etc.

So instead of butting heads, they are now having to work together to deal with more external issues. They showed some care, understanding and compassion and they started to see common ground within each other.

Let’s move them to friends. This can be as simple as them having an amicable chat. Asking more friendly questions and where once there was arguing there is now friendly banter.

This is also a great time to give some romance shove. We already established early on that they both think the other is physically attractive. Now with more friendly conversations, we can have some secret glances, gentle smiles, laughing eyes and even a little bit of flirting.

They need to become more open, and more vulnerable with each other. We need to show they have grown and developed together. How they are able to feel safe talking about more personal things with the other character.

Think about what you may feel comfortable telling a friend compared to a work colleague or a passing acquaintance.

Love

OMG we made it! Well, almost!

At some point, your characters need to realise their feelings have burgeoned into something deeper. This usually happens towards the climax of the book, when the big bad is back and threatening to ruin everything.

The threat of loss, pain, failure etc is what pushes our characters into action. Now they are willing to fight, to die to protect the one they love. That they will risk their own safety to make sure they get to see them again, that they get to live!

Everything John hated about Lydia now seems trivial and everything Lydia thought about John now seems insignificant. They aren’t prepared for some big bad to ruin what they had begun to acknowledge.

So make it count, bring their fiery emotions in and let us see just how much these two are meant for each other. How they can’t imagine losing the other. Have it almost snatched away!!!

Obviously, if you are writing a series, you may still want to snatch it away… have the readers chomping at the bit to read book 2 and find out if these star-crossed lovers will find their way back together!

The Main Points

If you got through this mammoth post, good on you!  I never expected it to be this long, I just started writing and it went a little crazy. Maybe it’s because I love this trope so much.

The main points of the trope are to make sure your characters are relatable, that the hatred is believable but not icky (see the abuse part) and then let them grow.

Novels with developing characters are awesome, we want characters to grow and change and this trope is no different.

Throw in a high stakes situation, some conflict from within, some conflict from without and let a few sparks fly.

Don’t rush to the romance, don’t rush to the sex and don’t rush for them to understand each other. It’s like a slow-burn romance, readers want to see it building. We want to see some angry arguments, some moments where they might take different paths or one person might abandon the other but their own conscience comes into play.

One way to write the trope is to forget about the characters right now and just map out the main plot points. John and Lydia have to travel together and reach the city of Kepit. They will run out of food and water (at different points) they will get injured, they will encounter a giant scorpion, and they will get taken prisoner by rouge guards.

Using these action points to map the journey, you can then drop those characters in and decide what will they do at each point. When will the change occur from enemy to questioning, from question to understanding, from understanding to friendship, and from friendship to love?

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Thanks to Mariam for requesting this, I hope you found it useful. I really enjoyed writing this and I am already trying NOT to turn John and Lydia into a real story… because I have enough stories to write.

Happy writing & stay safe

I write articles on writing, marketing, blogging, organising, social media, books and some random stuff.  I also create free printable resources.  If you find my content helpful and entertaining, consider supporting me on ko-fi (where you will also find extra content I post).  All donations go to keeping my website running and helping me move towards publishing my novels.