How to deal with tough times

There is an ironic reason this blog post never made it up on Friday.  It was due to the fact that Friday was a rough day for me.

In truth, this year has put me through the wringer and because last year was pretty rough too, I am just struggling to find the energy and motivation to keep going.

Banner - How to deal with tough times. Dealing with tough times. Dealing with burn-out

That Hollow Feeling

Friday was particularly hard and I crashed badly.  Now, there is nothing more depressing than feeling hollowed out by everything and realising you really don’t have anyone you can talk to.

stru1My partner, who I would always turn to first, is dealing with the aftermath of the latest family emergency that occurred a few weeks ago.

He has enough to deal with, though in the end, I did speak to him just to help keep me afloat.

So, since I am currently the poster-child for “barely functioning” should I really write a post about dealing with tough times?

*shrug* probably not.

But tough times happen.  They hit us hard and leave us bleeding inside.

To Reach Out or Not

And if those tough times just keep coming, you can find it hard to keep on getting up after it knocks you down.  Believe me.

10453efb60224e60e0004043e6a99e89

It’s hard to forge on with a passion when you feel unmoored.  When you sink and sink and no one seems to even notice.

Some people find it easy to reach out.  They will fill their Facebook or Twitter with posts about rough days they’ve had, conditions they suffer and problems they encounter.

In doing so, those who connect with them can (hopefully) see and can reach back, assisting, supporting and caring.

But there are those of us, who find it hard to reach out.  Who find the idea of being so detailed about our private struggles, extremely painful.

In fact, the most I usually do is state there’s an issue and vanish for several days.  Even just writing this blog post is hard.  Despite the fact I am keeping the issues private, I still feel exposed.  I feel like I have no right to air my struggles here.  Even though it’s my blog.

Past Pains

In the past, I did sometimes reach out.  Again, not often, but I remember crashing so badly that I needed to talk to someone, that I needed real help to keep me afloat.  I rang several friends.

(Keep in mind, I’m not a phone person, I hate talking on the phone so for me to ring anyone is pretty unusual).  Not one person answered.  And not one of those people, having seen a missed call by me (an odd occurrence), texted later to check I was okay and asked why I’d rung.

Years ago I suffered a breakdown.  I had been a sounding board for several friends for years while parts of my life had been crumbling.  When things got worse for me, I withdrew.

I explained I was struggling and needed time.  I was called out for “leaving” them when they needed to talk about their problems.  Some of those who I thought were good friends, turned angry and abusive for me stepping away.

That culminated in my stepping away from almost all of my friends from that time and never going back.  It was the only way I felt I could stay alive.

More recently, someone asked me how I was doing.  My normal reply is “I’m good, how are you?”

However, I replied that there had been an emergency in the family and I was completely exhausted and worried.  Their reply offered no comfort, no gentle words, not even as an intro to the rest of their text.  Instead, they replied with a list o things they were stressed about.

I don’t mind being the sounding board.  I don’t mind if people want to reach out.  I always hope they do.  But in those few times when I need support, to have no one reach back…

It’s not easy to realise people don’t care

So, how do I deal with tough times?

I keep going.  Even when it’s exhausting.  Even when I’m drowning.  Even when I’m crashing.  I keep moving forward.  I may slow down, I may crawl along barely functioning but I know not to ever stop.

Oh I still wallow.  I still sink into that aching hollowness that comes after an overwhelming crash of emotions.  But I try not to stay there.  I focus on something I can do.  One thing.  One piece of control.  Even something as simple as brushing my hair and putting it up.

And I do it.

And I repeat that every day.

tumblr_ml6e9fbPJD1s9u3jeo1_500

To all those who struggle, to all those who fall, just get up and keep going… I promise you, with all my heart, it doesn’t last even though it feels like it.  You are strong enough, you can get through this, keep going.

102

I wrote this for me.  As the focus to keep going.

Thank you for taking the time to read it.

~ Ari ~

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “How to deal with tough times

  1. Your brave, talented and stronger than you realise. Hang in there. The tides will turn in your favour. And never feel guilty for withdrawing, it’s your way of fighting through the tough times. Shame on those around you for not caring. (Not your partner, he sounds wonderful. Good for you.) xx

  2. I’m sorry you’ve had those many times of no, or little of any use, responses when so often all that was needed was someone taking the time to listen and offer some heartfelt understanding.

    You are worth more than being treated like that. What I’ve come to know of you here on your blog and in the emails we’ve exchanged is that you’re a good hearted, caring person. You should be able to have that returned to you when you’re the needy one.

    I’m glad you’re let us know so I can be praying for you and your family and keep you in my thoughts.

    Hugs,
    Pearl

    • Thank you so much Pearl, your words always make me smile. It is hard when it feels like no one cares, that those who should be the closest to me, see not to see me at all. In the end, it is trying to accept that and not let it pull me down. It occurred recently on my birthday and I think that just cut me a little deeper than normal. I truly appreciate your lovely words of support and your prayers. Take care my friend. ~Ari

  3. Writing helps, even if you’re the only one who sees it. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through a rough time right now, but you seem like a strong person. You’ll get through it. Everything will work itself out in time.

    • Thank you kindly Rachel. I have found my desire to write has actually increased. I think my subconscious knows I need it more now than ever 🙂 I appreciate your kind words.

    • Thank you kindly, that is very inspiring. It’s like waiting for the daffodils after the winter (though I do love winter) 🙂 Thank you for reaching out with your comment

      • You’re so welcome I know how it feels, to feel and be at our lowest in life everyone have those moments, anyway have an awesome day and enjoy your Easter weekend.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s